Chapter 207 Kakashi’s Heart Knot (5k)

“Yesterday’s mission was really dangerous. Thanks to your support, Longxian, otherwise I would have been in trouble.”

“Haha, we’re comrades, aren’t we? I’m not like Kakashi, who disregards his teammates for a mission.”

“Speaking of Kakashi, I heard some time ago that his squad suffered heavy losses during a mission, and only the Jonin instructor and he survived. How tragic.”

“Being on a team with that guy really brings misfortune. It’s a good thing we left early, otherwise our squad might have experienced something similar.”

After training, Kakashi dragged his tired body home, and on the way, he met his former teammates chatting.

Hearing their conversation, Kakashi’s thoughts, which had been focused on Breathing Technique, suddenly broke off.

Kakashi didn’t deliberately hide his presence, and his two former teammates noticed him walking over and instantly fell silent.

“Cough, cough, Kakashi, good evening.” His former teammate wasn’t sure if Kakashi had heard them, but since Kakashi showed no reaction, he assumed he hadn’t heard and greeted him.

“Mm, good evening.” Kakashi replied with a blank expression, nodding, and continued walking towards his home.

“How awkward. I wonder if he heard us.”

“It doesn’t matter if he heard or not. He probably doesn’t have a good impression of us anyway.”

Even after walking some distance, Kakashi, with his good hearing, could still catch faint whispers of their conversation, but he no longer had the mind to pay attention to it.

Kakashi wasn’t angry because his two former teammates were talking about him behind his back. If such talk made him angry, he would have died of rage when his father committed suicide, because at that time, he felt strange looks everywhere he went.

Moreover, they weren’t wrong. For Kakashi, the mission’s priority was the highest, and when executing a mission, even if his teammates were injured, he would still prioritize the mission.

During his time as Muzuki’s disciple, except for the very beginning, Kakashi rarely pondered what constituted a qualified Ninja or whether a Ninja should prioritize missions.

This was because Muzuki’s training intensity was full-on, either learning advanced Ninjutsu like Pseudo-Darkness and Purple Lightning, or secret and forbidden techniques like Thunder Breathing and Armament Haki. Under such high-intensity training, there was little energy left to think about other things.

Furthermore, Obito in the team constantly provoked him, forcing Kakashi to use a portion of his remaining energy to deal with Obito.

The words of his two former teammates made Kakashi once again ponder about missions, Ninjas, and teammates.

“My father was criticized by everyone precisely because he failed a mission, so only a Ninja who can complete missions is a qualified Ninja,” Kakashi thought to himself.

Then Kakashi shook his head. He remembered Muzuki’s words: Konoha White Fang upheld his Ninja way and was not a failed Ninja.

Although he hadn’t known Muzuki for long, Kakashi greatly admired Muzuki, not just because Muzuki was very strong, but because Muzuki excelled in all aspects as a teacher, unlike all the teachers he had encountered before.

Therefore, Kakashi was willing to listen to and believe what Muzuki said.

A hint of confusion appeared in Kakashi’s eyes. On one side was the established fact that his father was criticized for failing a mission and eventually committed suicide; on the other side was the approval from his admired teacher, telling him that Konoha White Fang was actually a respectable Ninja.

Kakashi kept thinking, ate dinner, and continued thinking until eleven at night without coming up with anything.

Lying in bed, Kakashi couldn’t fall asleep for a long time. Even though he was very tired and wanted to sleep, as soon as he closed his eyes, he couldn’t help but think about those things, which prevented him from falling asleep.

Ultimately, Kakashi didn’t know when he fell asleep, but upon waking up and seeing the bright sun outside, Kakashi realized one thing: he was late.

Kakashi quickly washed up, then grabbed some edible food, stuffed it into his mouth, and rushed to the South Border Forest.

When Kakashi arrived, the other disciples were already training. Obito and Shisui were running, sweating profusely, using Total Concentration Breathing. Might Guy was scratching his head, practicing Yin Release Nature Transformation. Rin Nohara had injured fish and broken trees beside her.

Obito, who was running, happened to pass Kakashi. Seeing Kakashi, who had arrived late, Obito’s tired expression vanished, and he laughed, saying:

“Yo, isn’t this Kakashi? Why are you two and a half hours late today?”

“Did you also go help old people?”

After saying this, Obito instantly felt refreshed, and his body seemed much less tired.

Usually, he was the one who was late and got lectured by Kakashi. This time, it was finally his turn.

“I just overslept.” Kakashi explained with a blank expression, then walked over to Muzuki.

“Tch, he’s late and still so arrogant.” Obito mumbled and continued training.

“Muzuki-sensei, I apologize,” Kakashi said, “I didn’t sleep well yesterday, so I woke up late and was late today.”

“It’s alright, being late occasionally is nothing, after all, accidents always happen. Let’s start training,” Muzuki said with a smile.

Kakashi nodded, then began his Thunder Breathing training under Muzuki’s guidance.

Perhaps because he hadn’t slept well yesterday, or for some other reason, Kakashi found it particularly difficult to get a feel for the Breathing Technique today. After the morning training, he didn’t feel any progress, and it was even more so when he trained Armament Haki in the afternoon.

In the morning, he could explain it by being two and a half hours late and not having enough training time, but in the afternoon, he truly didn’t know what he was practicing.

Normally, when Muzuki explained and demonstrated, his mind would automatically practice, but not today.

Although Muzuki didn’t know what Kakashi had encountered, he noticed something was wrong from Kakashi’s performance.

“Kakashi, your mind is troubled,” Muzuki said.

Armament Haki is Yin Release, and it’s related to mental power. If one’s mental state is not good, training will be twice the effort for half the result.

“I’m sorry, Muzuki-sensei, I’m not in a good state today. I’ll try to adjust tomorrow,” Kakashi said with an apologetic expression.

Muzuki taught him so diligently, yet he couldn’t even concentrate on learning. Kakashi felt a bit guilty.

“Keep up the good work. Remember to believe in yourself,” Muzuki said with a gentle smile.

“Thank you.” Feeling the warm aura from Muzuki, Kakashi felt a slight sense of relief.

Due to being late during the day and making no progress in training, Kakashi added extra practice for himself at night, training the Breathing Technique in his yard, hoping to make up for it.

However, the training was still very unsuccessful; Kakashi consistently couldn’t find that feeling.

At ten in the evening, Kakashi took a shower and went to bed.

As soon as he lay down, Kakashi’s mind subconsciously recalled the criticisms his father had suffered in the past, his teammates’ disapproval of him. Then he thought of Obito’s words, and Muzuki’s words.

His thoughts were very chaotic. One moment it was about Ninjas having to strictly adhere to rules and complete missions even if it meant sacrificing comrades, the next it was about comrades being the most important and their safety needing to be protected.

“Sleep, sleep…” Kakashi kept silently repeating these two words in his mind. He heard that this method could cure insomnia, by giving himself a suggestion to induce sleepiness.

He didn’t know if the method was ineffective or if it was Kakashi’s own reason, but he still couldn’t fall asleep. At this point, Kakashi checked the time, and it was already two in the morning.

He sighed slightly and tried to sleep again.

“I’m late…”

The next day, Kakashi woke up and saw the scorching sun outside, knowing he was late again today.

He quickly tidied up and then headed to the South Border Forest to begin training.

“Kakashi, you’re two and a half hours late again! You didn’t stay up all night training until dawn, did you?” Obito looked at Kakashi suspiciously.

He suspected Kakashi was secretly trying to outdo him. Someone like Kakashi being late twice in a row, and by so much time each time, was unusual.

“No.” Kakashi replied concisely with a blank expression, then walked to Muzuki and began to explain.

“Muzuki-sensei, I apologize, I had insomnia again last night,” Kakashi explained.

Muzuki asked with concern, “Is there anything wrong with your body? Why did you suddenly have insomnia?”

“Thank you for your concern, Muzuki-sensei, my body is fine.” Kakashi felt a warmth in his heart and then shook his head in reply.

“As for the insomnia, it might be because I’ve been thinking too much lately.”

Muzuki patted Kakashi’s shoulder and said with a gentle smile, “Your body is the most important. If there’s anything, just tell me. Don’t feel like you’re bothering me; for a teacher, a disciple’s matters are never a bother.”

Kakashi nodded slightly, feeling a little relieved.

Perhaps the extra training last night had some effect; he made a little progress in his Breathing Technique practice this morning, but he still couldn’t get a feel for Armament Haki in the afternoon.

After training ended in the afternoon, Kakashi went to buy an alarm clock. He absolutely couldn’t be late again tomorrow.

Kakashi didn’t train tonight. He finished washing up and went to bed at eight o’clock.

Kakashi’s idea was that if he went to bed at eleven and couldn’t fall asleep until after three in the morning, then if he went to bed at eight, even if he didn’t fall asleep for four hours, he’d still be asleep by twelve.

However, once Kakashi lay down on the bed, he found that he couldn’t sleep even without thinking about those things. Then he kept opening and closing his eyes, and his mind uncontrollably thought about all sorts of things.

This time, he not only thought about the relationship between Ninja missions, but Kakashi also wondered if Might Guy and Obito encountered danger on the next mission, should he save his teammates or continue to execute the mission.

Ding, ding, ding!

Kakashi, in a daze, heard a clear sound. Thinking about going to Muzuki’s place for training, he instantly woke up. Perhaps due to too little sleep, Kakashi could feel the soreness in his eyes just by keeping them open.

Kakashi completed his washing up with his eyes closed, then quickly ate breakfast and headed to South Border Forest for training.

This time, Kakashi wasn’t late, nor was he the last to arrive.

“Hey, Kakashi, you weren’t late today,” Obito said, a surprised look on his face when he saw Kakashi after arriving.

“Don’t compare me to you,” Kakashi said indifferently.

“My lateness is always to help old people. I would never be late because I slept in,” Obito retorted.

Although Kakashi wasn’t late today, the lack of sleep led to his poor mental state, and his training effectiveness was a bit poor.

Muzuki could tell that Kakashi’s reclusive emotions were becoming a bit serious again.

In fact, Muzuki knew that Kakashi’s problems hadn’t been completely resolved. It was only because he had a few friends here, and Muzuki, a warm and understanding teacher, plus the heavy training tasks, that Kakashi’s problems were suppressed.

Muzuki could also understand Kakashi; he was only seven years old when Konoha White Fang committed suicide.

For such a young child, his admired father committed suicide at home due to criticism. It would be strange if he wasn’t depressed and reclusive.

“This requires strong medicine to cure,” Muzuki thought to himself.

Shadows of this level for Kakashi are very difficult to heal gently. He might suddenly overthink things again because of certain words.

Muzuki felt that Kakashi needed to face a life-or-death crisis, understand his truest inner thoughts, and feel the human light from his companions. Only then could his mind and body be completely healed.

“Kakashi, why have you become so weak? This little training makes you so tired. If you were to train with my current regimen, it would probably kill you,” Obito noticed that Kakashi seemed exceptionally fatigued.

“I’m just not in good shape,” Kakashi said calmly, adjusting his expression, but the fatigue in his eyes was still hard to hide.

“Kakashi, why don’t you come back with me later? I’ll make you some conditioning food,” Muzuki offered.

Obito, seeing that he could also get a free meal even when not in good shape, chuckled, “Teacher Muzuki, actually, I’m not feeling so great either, how about…”

Thwack!

Muzuki’s finger accurately tapped Obito’s head, then he ruffled Obito’s hair and said, “Couldn’t you just say you wanted to eat together?”

“I want to eat together,” Obito quickly said, rubbing the spot that was tapped.

“Everyone come along,” Muzuki said to all his disciples.

Not a single disciple disliked Muzuki’s cooking, so everyone agreed. However, except for Kakashi and Shisui, the others needed to go home and inform their families.

After dinner, Obito and Kakashi began their usual bickering. Obito said Kakashi was too weak and couldn’t handle a little training, while Kakashi said Obito’s brain was almost rusted, finding it hard to imagine how he could score below twenty on a theory test.

“Obito, if you want to show concern, you can be more direct,” Rin Nohara said with a gentle smile, playing the mediator.

Rin Nohara said to Kakashi, “Don’t look at Obito like that; he actually cares about you a lot. Yesterday, he even discussed with me whether you were sick, saying that a genius like you would actually be late.”

Kakashi showed a surprised expression. Obito actually called him a genius, which made Kakashi somewhat doubt the truth of the matter.

Seeing Rin Nohara reveal his secrets, Obito’s face quickly flushed red, and he waved his hands, saying,

“Rin, you must have remembered wrong. How could I say something like that?”

Seeing Obito’s reaction, Kakashi again felt that what Rin Nohara said might be true.

“My dear friend, your youth hasn’t been as passionate recently,” Might Guy said with a serious expression.

Kakashi didn’t know how to respond. He was also annoyed with himself for letting such things disrupt his normal training.

After everyone left, Muzuki called out to Kakashi and said, “How about you sleep at my place tonight? I have something to talk to you about.”

Kakashi hesitated for a moment, then finally nodded.

“Kakashi, if you don’t mind, share your recent troubles with me. While I may not be able to solve them for you, it always feels better to talk it out,” Muzuki asked after bringing Kakashi to the living room.

Kakashi was silent for a while, then spoke:

“Teacher Muzuki, do you truly believe Konoha White Fang was a qualified Ninja, not a failure?”

Kakashi stared into Muzuki’s eyes, wanting to ensure the truthfulness of Muzuki’s answer.

“No matter how many times you ask, my answer will only be one: Konoha White Fang was a qualified Ninja who upheld his Ninja Way,” Muzuki said seriously, looking into Kakashi’s eyes.

“Then why did everyone still criticize him, even the comrades he saved criticized him?” Kakashi asked, looking confused.

The fundamental reason he was troubled by whether a Ninja was qualified or not was that he couldn’t come to terms with his father’s death.

“Because Konoha White Fang’s Ninja Way conflicted with the Village’s rules. For the Village, profit naturally comes first, so they must ensure the success rate of missions. Ninja who can complete missions are good Ninja for the Village.

But Konoha White Fang was different; he had his own beliefs. For him, the lives of his comrades far outweighed any mission.”

“Right and wrong are inherently subjective. For me or Konoha White Fang, we would believe we did the right thing, but for others, there would be different judgments.”

“Of course, the reason Konoha White Fang received so much criticism was not only because the mission failed, but also because he was Konoha White Fang,” Muzuki replied.

It wasn’t a solo mission, so naturally, the blame couldn’t be placed entirely on one person. Konoha White Fang was just the most famous Ninja on that mission.

Konoha White Fang was too straightforward. If it were Muzuki, he’d be the Konoha hero who worked hard to rescue his comrades when the mission failed, not the culprit behind the mission’s failure.

“The greater the fame, the more criticism one must bear?” Muzuki’s answer was too realistic and dark; Kakashi found it difficult to accept for a moment.

“Reality is always more cruel than we imagine, but you don’t need to overthink it. I believe that even if Konoha White Fang had a chance to do it again, he would still choose to save his teammates and then try his best to complete the mission,” Muzuki said earnestly.

“Other people’s thoughts are ultimately their own. As long as your conscience is clear, stick to your own beliefs.”

Did Konoha White Fang commit suicide because he couldn’t handle the psychological pressure of being criticized? Muzuki didn’t think so. He believed Konoha White Fang took his own life because his beliefs collapsed.

Kakashi had received too much information tonight and thought he wouldn’t be able to sleep again, but he slept very well tonight.

“Since I usually live alone here, there’s only one bed. Fortunately, you’re still young, so you shouldn’t feel crowded,” Muzuki said, pulling Kakashi onto the bed to sleep.

It was the first time sleeping in the same bed with someone other than his family, yet Kakashi felt a strange sense of peace.

“After all, it’s Teacher Muzuki,” Kakashi thought to himself, and once drowsiness set in, he quickly fell asleep.

Because it’s a big chapter, it’s a bit late, there’s still another chapter coming soon.