Chapter 263: Impossible to Go Back

Chen Feng never dreamed that Shen Lin would pull such a stunt, so much so that he was stunned for a long while before he reacted and pulled his hand back.

At this moment, he truly had a myriad of feelings in his heart.

Although Shen Lin was considered quite proactive back then, at most it was just actively inviting him out and contacting him. It was nothing like now, where she spoke so directly and even made a move.

The two of them had been separated for more than half a year, and he felt that she had really changed a lot.

In fact, of course, Chen Feng’s changes were even greater than hers.

This was just as the saying goes—things remain, but people have changed, and everything is over.

How could it be possible to mend a broken mirror now?

“Shen Lin, you should also know in your heart that I am no longer the me of the past, and you are not the you of the past. We can’t go back to the past. Moreover, I just reached an agreement with your family last night. We are already even. If you think one million is not enough, I can appropriately add some more for you.”

Chen Feng’s words were a bit deliberately infuriating.

However, Shen Lin was not angry. Instead, she just closed her eyes slightly, sighed, and said, “I never wanted to take your money from the beginning. Not to mention any compensation for my youth. You should know that the reason I chose you back then was not because you were rich. I fell for you back then mainly because my heart was moved by you. It’s that simple, even if you had no money, no house, and an ordinary job at that time.

“Sometimes I think it’s incredible. I ask myself, my own conditions are not bad, how did I fall for you by some strange coincidence at that time. But this is fate. I don’t regret my choice back then. I only regret that I agreed to divorce you so easily back then. I ruined my own happiness with my own hands. But you are also the executioner, who cut off our marriage with one hand.”

If Shen Lin had been harsh and stern, or even cried and made a scene, things would have been easier to handle. At most, Chen Feng would have just walked away and tried not to see her again. Anyway, she didn’t know where he lived now.

But now that she said these words so calmly, it made him不由想起 the happy days they had spent together, and her affection for him when she insisted on marrying him despite her parents’ opposition. No matter how hard-hearted Chen Feng was, it was impossible for him to just walk away.

Chen Feng could only stand by the bed in frustration, not knowing what to say for a moment.

“I know you still have feelings for me, otherwise you wouldn’t have run to save me so early this morning. Don’t deny it. We have been together for five or six years. Even if the relationship in the last few months was not very harmonious, it cannot erase the bits and pieces of happiness and warmth in our lives before.

“Moreover, we actually don’t have any irreconcilable contradictions and mistakes. We didn’t do anything to let each other down before we divorced. The emotional foundation is still there. It was only because of the cold war, and then the lack of communication, plus our own self-esteem, that we finally reached the point of divorce.

“Now that we have been separated for so long, we should have realized the problem. The main reason why I was angry and disappointed with you back then, you also know, was because your work was not going well, and you were always listless and self-indulgent. If you could have pulled yourself together at that time and faced the difficulties positively, just like you are now, how could I have been angry and disappointed with you?

“I was also wrong. I should have given you more comfort and encouragement at that time, but I didn’t do it. Instead, I kept complaining about you, which made things worse for you. It must have also disappointed and angered you. The result was a long cold war, which eventually led to the end of the marriage. We are both responsible.”

Shen Lin’s analysis was very accurate. In a failed marriage, both parties are basically responsible. It is impossible for it to be entirely the responsibility of one party. The only difference is the proportion of responsibility each person bears.

Chen Feng also said with some emotion, “You are right. Although you were also at fault at that time, the bigger fault was still mine. It was because my work was not going well at that time, and I couldn’t stand the blow of failure, which directly affected my lack of concern for you in my life and feelings, thus causing your complaints.

“And at that time, I really needed your comfort and encouragement the most, but you kept complaining about me, saying that I was incompetent, a piece of mud that couldn’t be plastered on the wall, which naturally made me feel very hurt, and I also began to doubt our feelings for each other, and then I started a cold war with you.”

Shen Lin quickly said, “I know I was very excessive at that time and very cruel to you. But my original intention was not to hurt you, but to stimulate you and encourage you to pull yourself together. It was a case of ‘hating iron for not becoming steel,’ not to strike you.”

Chen Feng smiled with a hint of bitterness, “You did stimulate me and strike me at that time, but you just didn’t encourage me.”

“I don’t know why I was like that at that time, I…”

Shen Lin wanted to explain further, but was interrupted by Chen Feng with a wave of his hand, “Alright. This topic has been discussed to this point, and it’s actually very clear. Now, we have been divorced for more than half a year. Even if I had resentment towards you before, I don’t have it now. So, it’s meaningless to talk about these things now. We can’t go back.”

Hearing this, Shen Lin’s eyes blinked, and tears welled up in them. Her voice was slightly choked as she said, “Are you really so heartless? You really won’t give me a chance for yourself? You really don’t want to save our feelings of so many years? We were originally a happy couple, and we can always be a happy couple.”

Chen Feng turned his head slightly to avoid her gaze, sighed, and said, “Some things, once missed, can never be made up for. Moreover, I am no longer the me of the past. Even if we start over, it is impossible to return to the state of the past.”

“Why?” Shen Lin asked with a heavier tone, “Is it because you have become rich now?”

“That’s part of the reason,” Chen Feng said honestly. “Men become bad when they have money. This is a kind of law. I have money now, and I have also become bad. I have intimate relationships with several women now. In addition, our failed marriage has made me no longer believe in love, let alone marriage.

“So, for a long time, it is impossible for me to get married again. Even if I get back together with you now, it is impossible for me to remarry you, and it is even more impossible for me to break off relations with other women. Can you accept these two points?”

Shen Lin stared at him fixedly and did not speak for a long time.

This time, Chen Feng took the initiative to step forward, squatted down, squatted in front of the bed, looked at her at eye level, and showed a smile, “Shen Lin, I loved you before, but it was the innocent and stubborn Shen Lin of the past. At that time, you will always occupy a very important position in my heart, and it is the most precious memory of my life. But now we have all changed. In my heart, the Shen Lin of the past is already dead, and the Chen Feng of the past is also dead. We are no longer the us of the past, and we can never go back to the past.

“I now sincerely wish you can find a man who can satisfy you and make you happy for the rest of your life in the future. We can be friends in the future, and you can contact me if you have any difficulties. But we can’t go any further. Let’s just keep that beautiful memory of the past in our hearts.”

After saying these words, Chen Feng stood up, turned around, and said, “I’m leaving. In the future, let’s all take care of ourselves.”

After saying this, Chen Feng walked to the door with big strides without looking back, then pulled open the ward door and walked out.

The tears that had been welling up in Shen Lin’s eyes finally flowed down.

She never thought that her seemingly sure-win situation would end in failure. For this, she did not hesitate to bet on her own health and really took five sleeping pills.

But the result was such an ending. Chen Feng had no pity or compassion for her, only the kind of distance and indifference that was revealed from his bones.

He might still care about her a little, but it was no longer the kind of care between relatives and lovers, at most it was the kind of care between ordinary friends.

Could it be that he really has no feelings for me at all?

Shen Lin didn’t believe it. She clenched her hands tightly, letting the tears flow down from her eyes.

Chen Feng walked out of the inpatient department building with quick steps, stretched out his hands and rubbed his face hard, which made his mood relax a little.

Facing his ex-wife who was in full force, Chen Feng’s heart could not be as calm as he had shown before.

After all, he had lived with her for five or six years, and they had truly loved each other. Listening to the words she said lying on the hospital bed, it was even more impossible for him to be indifferent. When she spoke emotionally, didn’t his heart feel a little touched?

There was even a moment when Chen Feng impulsively wanted to start over with her, and even remarry. But in the end, it was just a momentary impulse. Just as he said, they had all changed, especially him. He was no longer the Chen Feng of the past.

It could be said that he had died once. Not to mention being reborn, but his current personality was very different from when he was still working, let alone his life and mentality.

They had been happy and sweet when they were together, but they had also been in pain in the end.

He now had a completely different life from before, and he didn’t want to go back to the past.

Chen Feng took a deep breath and quickened his pace to leave this hospital filled with the smell of disinfectant.

He did not immediately return to the No. 8 villa, but drove to the East Lake villa on the way.

This villa that he had been very satisfied with before was now uninhabited after he bought it.

He opened the main gate and went in. The yard was already overgrown with weeds. He walked through the yard and came to the front of the villa. He used the key to open the door, and a faint musty smell came from inside. He looked around and saw that the inside was also covered with a thin layer of dust.

This house could not be left uninhabited and unmaintained. Even if it looked like a new villa.

But Chen Feng didn’t want to rent it out. He had bought it at a high price, but now he was renting it to others. It always felt strange. Anyway, he was not short of money. He had bought this house just because he liked it, not as an investment.

Chen Feng planned to live here for a while. So, he called the property management here and asked them to send two cleaners over.

After waiting for more than ten minutes, two cleaning ladies came over. After Chen Feng gave them some instructions, he went for a walk on the shore of East Lake alone.

Since he moved into Red Villa Bay, he had rarely come to the shore of East Lake.

At this time of noon, the sun was shining. While walking and looking at the scenery, the temperature was just right, not cold and not hot.

There were also many pedestrians and tourists on the embankment, either in pairs or in groups of three or five. Everyone’s expression was very relaxed and comfortable.

After walking for a while, Chen Feng sat down on a bench facing the lake, staring blankly at the sparkling surface of East Lake. His thoughts unconsciously drifted to the past scenes with Shen Lin.

After all, they had lived together for five or six years, and the happy and sweet time accounted for at least two-thirds of it. And the reason why he divorced at that time was only one aspect of their fading feelings. The more important reason was that he had found out that he had a terminal illness at that time.

If he didn’t have a terminal illness, he would definitely not have been able to make up his mind to divorce her at that time.

So, what Shen Lin said before was not completely wrong. There were still some feelings left between the two of them.

But Chen Feng really didn’t want to be his old self again. He had money and women now, and his life was carefree. Why should he remarry?

He could only convince himself in his heart and strengthen his confidence.

He was very worried that he would not be able to hold on and would really be pulled back by Shen Lin to the seemingly happy and sweet, but often depressing and suffocating life track.

It was just that he had to completely draw a line with this woman he had loved, and even not see each other again. His heart was inevitably fluctuating and difficult to calm down.

He sat there in a daze for more than ten minutes, until a young couple sat down next to him, snuggling up to each other, which pulled his thoughts back.

“Here, have a bite.”

The woman held an ice cream in her hand and brought it to the man’s mouth with a soft voice.

The man chuckled and took a big bite.

“You’re annoying! So annoying! Such a big bite.”

“I was wrong, I was wrong. Then I’ll give it back to you.”

The man hugged the woman and was about to kiss her mouth to mouth…

Damn it!

Chen Feng stood up abruptly, which startled the young couple.

Chen Feng didn’t look at them and left directly.

“This person is sick!” the man muttered in a low voice.

“Don’t talk nonsense. He might have broken up.”

“What’s there to break up at such an old age? He should be divorced.”

…

Chen Feng’s hearing was very good now. Although their voices were low, he heard them all. Of course, he didn’t go to beat this young man for this.

He could only wish them with the mentality of someone who had been through it: break up early and be well.

After wandering aimlessly along the lake for a while, he looked at the time and estimated that it was about time, so he returned to the Lakeside Villa.

Sure enough, the two cleaning ladies were very efficient and had almost finished cleaning up.

Chen Feng sat on the stone bench in the yard and waited. He also replied to a few messages that he had ignored before.

Among them, there was one from his mother, asking him how he was doing in Xiuzhou during this period? What was he busy with? If he had nothing to do in Xiuzhou, he should go home and stay for a while, and it would be best to bring Wu Mengting with him.

Of course, Chen Feng didn’t want to go back to his hometown. After thinking for a while, he sent a voice message saying that he was now preparing a company with a few friends and couldn’t leave.

His mother immediately asked by voice message, “What company?”

So, Chen Feng said it was a film and television company, a small company with a total investment of less than one million. He only invested more than one hundred thousand, and there were several other shareholders.

Of course, Zhao Xiaolan didn’t understand these things. She just told him not to be cheated.

After the mother and son communicated by voice for a while, Chen Feng used the excuse that he was going out to drive and ended the call.

He checked the other unread messages. Among them was one from Guo Mengyao, saying that she was flying to Xiuzhou at noon tomorrow and hoped that he would pick her up at the airport.

After hesitating for a while, Chen Feng sent her an OK gesture.

Then, not long after, Guo Mengyao called him directly.

(End of chapter)