Chapter 1: The Buttocks on the Wall

That night, a pair of Buttocks suddenly appeared in Ding Suian’s courtyard.

The kind that grew out of the wall, alive, and even wriggling on its own.

The cause of this incident must be traced back to over a month ago.

In mid-October of the forty-seventh year of Great Wu’s legitimacy, Dragon Guard Army Squad Leader Ding Sui’an received a military order to lead his subordinates away from the capital to Lanyang Prefecture to guard Prince of Lanyang Du Jue.

Life stationed outside the Prince’s Estate was quite exciting.

During their leisure time, besides basic entertainment like catching fleas and plucking leg hair, they would go flirt with the hefty kitchen maids, and receiving a loud cry of ‘Lecherous Scoundrel’ in return was enough to keep them entertained for half a day.

It felt wonderful, sweeter than honey.

If they had a chance to glimpse the delicate servant girls in the back residence from afar, it was an illustrious romantic encounter worthy of being recorded in the family genealogy.

Of course, Squad Leader Ding Sui’an was not among them.

He was a respectable man of principle and integrity who had risen above vulgar interests.

Being upright was his bottom line!

On the twenty-first of November, the winter rain started in the morning and showed no signs of stopping even by the afternoon.

As was customary, whenever it rained and there was nothing to do, Ding Suian would tell his brothers a storybook passage with sound moral values and a healthy, positive outlook to pass the time.

During the Shen Hour, a group of Soldiers sat gathered under the corridor of the West Courtyard.

Only by getting closer could one hear Ding Suian, surrounded by the men, narrating in his magnetic voice:

“.Jinlian gave a soft moan, saying, ‘Master, if you don’t stop, your servant girl will have to cry out,’ but her five slender fingers reached for Ximen Qing’s waistband. Master Ximen was overjoyed, and without a word, he swept Jinlian into his arms and carried her onto the couch.”

The breathing of the Soldiers suddenly grew heavy, and they simultaneously tugged at their collars.

A few spineless ones didn’t even notice the drool slipping from the corners of their mouths.

But right at that moment, Ding Suian glanced at the fine rain outside the eaves, stretched his arms high, and yawned, “That’s all for today.”

…

“Squad Leader Ding! You can’t just stop there!”

“Exactly! Exactly! What happened after Jinlian was carried onto the couch? What happened next?”

“Boss, please! Finish this part! I… I feel terrible all over, like ants are crawling on me. If I don’t hear the rest, I’ll die!”

The corridor instantly erupted into chaos.

Chapter Cutter, you don’t deserve a house!

But in the field of vision only Ding Suian could see, several points of white light floated up from the surroundings, quietly converged, and then disappeared into his glabella.

“We agreed on four thousand characters every time, rain or shine! Disperse, disperse…”

“Boss! Just one more section, and I’ll wash your clothes this month!”

A man must have principles; if he says four thousand, it’s four thousand—not a single character more.

Keeping his word was his bottom line!

Huh? Wash my clothes for a month?

“Ahem, fine, then I’ll tell you one more section of paid content.”

Ding Suian cleared his throat, but before he could speak, he suddenly frowned and looked toward the back residence on the north side.

After waiting for a moment and seeing he didn’t speak, his subordinate Hu Da anxiously said, “Brother Sui’an, after Jinlian was carried onto the couch…”

“Silence!”

The subordinate nicknamed ‘Chest Hair’ also noticed the abnormality, stood up, looked north, and listened intently.

After about five or six breaths, the commotion from the back residence gradually grew louder. Initially, there were scattered screams and cries, but soon they merged into a low, suppressed ‘buzzing’ sound that enveloped the entire Prince’s Estate.

One couldn’t tell how many women were weeping together to create such a powerful sound.

“Shortened name, go see what’s happening.”

“Understood!”

A square-faced man cupped his fist in acknowledgment and strode quickly out of the West Courtyard.

After another dozen breaths, Shortened name had not yet returned, but someone outside the courtyard wailed, “The Prince has Passed Away. The Prince has Passed Away…”

Hearing the news, everyone exchanged glances.

Then they breathed a sigh of relief.

Hah! We thought it was something serious; you scared the hell out of us!

The Dragon Guard Army was under the jurisdiction of the Dianqian Division, and they drew their military pay from the Dianqian Division as well.

Furthermore, they had only been here for just over a month and had only met Prince of Lanyang Du Jue once. There was absolutely no affection between them.

They didn’t care if the Prince of Lanyang lived or died; at most, they wouldn’t talk about Jinlian today, treating it as mourning.

“The Prince of Lanyang has been sick for years; it was bound to happen sooner or later.”

Wang Xigui, the oldest member of the An Squad, offered his opinion.

Chest Hair, looking gossipy, said, “There have long been rumors outside that the Prince of Lanyang liked men. Years ago, he was pushed off a building and broke his waist while fighting over a Male Prostitute. What are those women in the back residence crying and wailing for over a cripple?”

“Why talk about such nonsense! Boss, what exactly happened after Jinlian was carried onto the couch?”

Shen Hour, Second Quarter.

Shortened name, who had gone to scout for news, returned covered in moisture, and while taking off his straw cape, he said word by word, “The Princess Consort, leading the female dependents, chose Voluntary Human Sacrifice. That is why they are weeping.”

“Tsk tsk tsk~”

Chest Hair curled his lips and made a strange noise, his expression showing that he didn’t believe the ‘voluntary’ part.

Although the Wu Code did not explicitly state whether human sacrifice was legal, ever since the State Religion promoted the ‘Restoration of Ancient Rites,’ it was no longer uncommon for Great Wu nobles to have their female dependents ‘voluntarily’ accompany them in death.

It seemed this fashionable trend had also reached Prince Lanyangs Estate.

Hu Da, the youngest, seemed unable to believe such cruelty existed in the world and muttered, “There are so many Young Ladies in the back residence who are only teenagers; they are truly pitiful.”

Wang Xigui sighed deeply: “Who says otherwise? The Princess Consort of Lanyang is one of the most renowned beauties in Great Wu, and now she must be buried alive for the empty reputation of ‘Chastity.’ What a pity…”

“Buried alive?”

“Exactly!” Wang Xigui lowered his voice, making it sound eerie, as if telling a ghost story. “I heard people say they first force-feed the women chosen for sacrifice a Stupefying Drug. While they are unconscious, they sew their mouths shut with gold thread and plug their posterior orifices with jade stones. It’s said this is the only way to lock their souls in place so they serve the husband’s family for generations. Once the drug wears off, the person wakes up inside the coffin and either suffocates or starves to death. It’s truly miserable!”

In the evening winter rain and dim lamplight, everyone who listened felt a chill down their spines and their hair stand on end.

As if to footnote this horrifying topic, a sudden commotion arose deep within the back residence. Before long, the disturbance gradually spread to the front courtyard.

A moment later, Steward Hou from the Prince’s Estate passed by the West Courtyard with several servants holding ropes. Seeing the Soldiers sitting idly chatting, he urgently called out, “The women from the back residence have escaped! You men hurry and follow me to apprehend them!”

Within the Prince’s Estate, Steward Hou’s status was second only to the masters. Hu Da and the others subconsciously started to rise to obey the command.

But they saw Ding Suian still sitting steadily in his original spot, chewing on a straw stem pulled from his straw cape, his eyes fixed on the rain curtain without moving an inch.

The Soldiers slowly sat back down.

Steward Hou naturally saw the situation, frowned, and said, “Squad Leader Ding? Quickly bring your men to help me capture the escaped dependents!”

“Tsk~”

Ding Suian spat out the straw stem, then casually glanced over. “Let the Steward be aware, we are here by Imperial decree to guard the Prince’s Estate. Matters concerning the Prince’s Estate servants bullying and killing women are not within our duties.”

“You!”

Steward Hou’s Face flushed red. After struggling for a long time, he could only squeeze out a weak ‘You.’

The Dragon Guard Army was the foremost of Great Wu’s Eight Imperial Armies, responsible for managing entry and exit from the Imperial City and guarding the Imperial Heir Guard.

They were the Imperial Army of the Imperial Armies.

Although the Prince of Lanyang was not an Imperial Heir, according to the Wu System, every Prince’s Estate belonging to a prince of a different surname must permanently station one Squad of the Dragon Guard Army to demonstrate the vastness of Imperial favor.

Of course, whether you wanted this vast favor or not, you had to accept it.

If you called them Imperial Guards, Ding Suian would gladly admit it.

If you said they were the court’s spies monitoring princes of different surnames, Ding Suian would call you emotionally unintelligent.

If Ding Suian refused to give Face, Steward Hou was nothing but a piece of trash.

Steward Hou left dejectedly. Silence returned to the small courtyard, but a moment later, Ding Suian leisurely said, “Do not be accomplices.”

“Your subordinates understand!”

The Soldiers cupped their fists and answered in unison.

The West Courtyard was divided into front and back sections.

The two main rooms in the front section housed Chest Hair and nine others.

The back section was less than four Zhang wide and contained only an old jujube tree, a solitary main room, and an inconspicuous dog hole in the north wall.

Fortunately, only Ding Suian lived there, sparing him the lively experience of squeezing into a large communal bed and catching lice.

At the end of the Xu Hour, the sky was pitch black, and the wind and rain were grim.

Under the shroud of mist and smoke, white banners fluttered throughout the Prince’s Estate, which was deathly silent and suffocatingly oppressive.

Inside the main room of the back courtyard, Ding Suian lay with his hands clasped behind his head, unable to fall asleep.

He wasn’t a native of this world.

Eighteen years ago, an accident led to his rebirth. Only after transmigrating into Great Wu as a fetus did Ding Suian become Ding Suian.

Within the first month, his birth mother in this world passed away from illness, and Ding Suian grew up following his widowed old father until now.

He owed half of his current job to his cheap old dad. His old dad was originally an Imperial Heir Guard, later assigned outside to the Imperial Army as a Dutou.

With Old Ding’s resume, Ding Suian’s background check and political review were impeccable; he was a true-blue court lackey.

The other half of the reason relied on his tall stature and handsome appearance—the Dragon Guard Army served as the Face of the court, prioritizing those with good physiques and high looks.

“Hoo-chuff~ Hoo-chuff~”

While he was lost in thought, a rustling noise penetrated the sound of the rain and reached his ears.

Given the great upheaval in the Prince’s Estate today, it was possible that petty thieves might try to sneak in amidst the chaos.

Ding Suian put on his coat, got up, and silently pushed open the door.

‘Hoo-chuff~ Hoo-chuff~’

The gasping sound became clearer, seeming to convey a sense of strenuous, near-suffocating struggle.

Following the sound—

At the base of the north wall in the back courtyard, a… a pair of Buttocks had suddenly grown out of the dog hole!

A pair of living Buttocks, twisting frantically and trying to squeeze into his small courtyard!

Judging by the posture, they were crawling in backward.

The legs and Buttocks had entered first, but the chest was firmly jammed inside the dog hole.

This created the awkward situation of being unable to move forward or backward.

Ding Suian watched for a moment with interest, then strolled forward, lifted his foot, and kicked the tip of the Buttocks. He asked playfully, “Excuse me, Buttocks… Do you need help?”

Oh, it was plump and firm, with astonishing elasticity.

The wave of Buttocks wriggling like a maggot instantly froze.

On the bleak, cold rainy night, one man, one pair of Buttocks, and three eyes met.

After several moments of silence, a tearful voice came from the other side of the dog hole, “Sir inside, please pull this General’s servant out first. Your servant will certainly repay you handsomely.”

Soft, charming, and velvety—a standard Mature Woman Voice.

Huh, it was a female pair of Buttocks.

This scene… Had he transmigrated into an Island Nation Film Set again?